there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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