Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
