i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
