There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
