(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I did not marry a roomba.
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