Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My underwear smells like fireworks.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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