I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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