i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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