So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
