She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
