when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
