I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
