Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
