Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
