hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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