I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
