I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
honey bunches of taint.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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