i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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