ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
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Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
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We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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