Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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