I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
