Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
