You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
