I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
