my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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