You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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