I'm really into asian looking animals
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
