Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
