3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My vagina is officially offended.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
