Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
