LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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