Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
