so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
