i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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