yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
