Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
