Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
The ass gains better be worth it
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