i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
