I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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