Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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