took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
