What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
