I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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