You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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