Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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