"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
