Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
