she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
