I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I love having hate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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