8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
