Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
