So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I AM VODKA MAN
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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