at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
