I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
