I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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