Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
