HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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