I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
