Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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