but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
