last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
