and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
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i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
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Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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