God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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