Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
