Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
