Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
