you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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