Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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