what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize