using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
