you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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