you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
