He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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