In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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